Pragmatic Truthiness

Six Things

2008-09-09T21:08:00.002-05:00

KitKat tagged me and I have not posted in quite some time so here we go!

Six useless pieces of information.

I have started my new school year and things are off to a great start. My motto is to stay positive, but some people around me are still on the bitch and complain train (making stops at Wednesday and Thursday).
I started reading this book and love it so much that I don't want to finish it because I then cannot obsess over it...wow, I'm a dork!
I plan on reading the Harry Potter series this year. I am teaching seniors and juniors this year which means for the next two years I will have seniors that study British Lit. All students are required to read Outside Reading Books aligned with the literature being studied in class and I need to recommend British authors to my seniors, so I thought "What a perfect time to read Harry!".
Amber and I found the couches we really like, but of course money is always needed for that! The pieces are actually only 2 in total, but are shaped so that they can fit in a variety of ways...curious check them out here.
We don't have money, but I plan on spending some we don't have on a fourth tattoo. I want to balance my body, so I plan on getting another scripture piece in Hebrew, but on my left bicep to supplement the one on my right bicep.
I need a suit: tried to shop, liked the one for $400 and am annoyed that nothing else fits as nicely.

I supposed to tag people, but I won't. And I am supposed to do some other crap, but I won't. I am tired, tomorrow is "Three hours of meetings Wednesday" and I need to watch some nonsense T.V.

The Best News...So Far

2008-07-30T16:10:00.002-05:00

So I am to get some things off of my chest - reality really does bite. You see all these people young, too young, old, very old, whatever getting knocked-up. Let me tell you, it's not easy. I don't know if being immature, on crack or irresponsible makes it easier to get pregnant, and trust me that I am NOT ready to try it. Amber and I want--and actually have no choice but to start trying--to have a family. We thought we were golden with her body reacting weirdly recently, but we were incorrect. I am excited to become a father and cannot wait to see what will be a combination of Amber, myself and God. Jobs..agh! I love teaching, but despise seeing others teaching just because they think it is easy and they like the idea of getting the summer off. Some people I know even got a job secured before they graduated and I thought, "There is no way this person has more heart than me...". I got my position last year, but Amber is still trying to find that first offer. It just seems unfair that she can't land an interview, let alone a position, but God has a plan.

Originally, we were going to start trying when and if Amber was able to get a full-time teaching job, but life has its ways of screwing you when you have it all planned out. We were told that we needed to start trying now or possibly sacrifice ever having a family. I'm sure this is a no-brainer for every person, but we were really torn. Yes it is easy to read this and say "Have a family!",but when it is happening to you, let's just say it's a bit more complicated. We were worried about our financial situation, readiness and a slough of other things.

Clearly, we decided to start trying, but without the promise of a job.

Last week Amber got a call from a principal in the same district with which I teach. The principal set-up a panel interview for Amber on Tuesday (yesterday) and said he would call her the next day (today) whether or not she got the job. Enter nerves for 24 hours.

I awoke early to a well of fear in my belly and basically sat and waited to hear Amber's phone blare that good ol' country tune!

Some time before noon t rings...but it's her mom. WHAT THE HELL! WE'LL CALL YOU WHEN WE FIND OUT! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW EFFING NERVE WRACKING THIS IS - GOSH! (This is what I was thinking while the mom-in-law asked Amber if she heard anything yet.)

Noon-fifteen: Country music, unknown number and my heart is pounding so hard I can barely breathe. (I don't think I was this nervous for my own call-back.)

SHE GOT IT!!!!!
I am so freaking happy!

She'll have a Kindergarten classroom that is an all-day room. It is called a SMART -room because it has a SMART Board, five flat screen new computers, and much more technology that I am hugely jealous of.

I cannot take all the credit for her interview, though. I made good friends with a guy that became a principal in our district and he (I think.) really liked my energy, style and really saw how dedicated I am at teaching. He consistently helped in getting Amber an interview and even was the one that recommended to Amber's now-principal to call her in for an interview. Also, hordes of people had us on their prayer lists and thoughts everyday and I thank all of them. I cannot be happier than I am right now, in this moment - unless Amber gets pregnant next month.

A shortcut...sort of

2008-07-09T16:33:00.002-05:00

Note: This is not an actual image.

I was playing with my niece today and after the routine "Let's play outside...Let's play inside..." merry-go-round we decided to play outside again.

As I was sliding my cool kicks into their sandals and placed Addy's sandals on, I realized we were not alone.I looked up to find my youngest cat, Hobbes, falling from the second story window he likes to bask in during the afternoon hours.

His dumb-ass fell on my head, bounced to the ground and promptly landed on his four paws.But wait, there's more!

He then simply got up, shook himself back to life and proceeded to think, "Damn...I'm thirsty!"

I had no idea a cat could be so thirsty as to decide to jump (read fall) two stories to catch a drink.

This is a critique, possibly spoiler..I guess it all depends on how you look at it

2008-07-07T19:39:00.004-05:00

My wife's birthday was on the first and we saw Wall-E. I happened to be a bit apprehensive when she said that she wanted to see it, but I thought "What the hell, I'll try it".

It was rather weird not hearing a single human voice for over and hour, but the movie was damn good. The robots were funny, cleptos, obsessive compulsive, emotional, cute and in-love. This last part is kind of difficult to explain. I guess that in the future robots will run everything we do, we will be fat, lazy, have lost bone structure and live in space in a big ship.

The movie was really good, though. I would give it 18 monkeys. Um...I need to explain: I decided to create my own rating system based on animals and a ridiculous number of them. 18 monkeys equals like 3 stars, just so you know. (((For Example, Freddy Got Fingered would receive 2348 gorillas which is like one billionth of a star.)))

I guess I am officially a critic now...so where do I get my check?

New news and a narco cat

2008-06-05T19:30:00.002-05:00

I am sad to say the Robert Muraine has quit the So You Think You Can Dance competition. I hope he does well and I am waiting to hear back from him about a message I sent him.

In other news, this video is awesome.

Narcolepsy Cat

The talented Robert Muraine

2008-05-31T18:21:00.006-05:00

I saw this on T.V., showed my students, contacted this guy via MySpace and he replied that my comment was "the most meaningful"! I rock; here check him out:

I had to change the link & the embeded code was not correct so here is a link to the video clip.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/443773/

New Tattoo

2008-04-28T18:22:00.005-05:00

So I had my tattoo appointment this past weekend and here's what happened: I was all psyched up because I was getting it on Saturday at Noon, but I hit a snag. I thought that I should bring the print-out with me of what I had found and decided on, but didn't since I e-mailed the guy the night before.

I got to the shop and he showed me what he drew for filigree and the size of it: enter issue. The Hebrew wasn't correct and was all jumbled up. I tried searching on the shop's computer, but since they have an old version of XP and only WordPad, it looked very wrong; begin freak-out mode.

It turns out that my artist had a person cancel for the next day (Which NEVER happens; he was booked until July and I made this appointment 6 weeks ago!) so I grabbed at that opportunity.

Sunday begins like any other: laundry, clean, vacuum and food. I left for my 4 o'clock appointment (Keep in mind that we live like an hour and a half out of Chicago, since all this construction.) right on time and got to the shop in a jiffy. My artist drew up an AWESOME pic with the new, correct Hebrew and added some sweet filigree and I asked for some shading to add dimension.

Two, two and a half hours later...

The elbow and armpit hurt the worst, but all-in-all in was a great experience and cannot wait to get the other three tattoos I have in mind.

Close to the close

2008-04-21T09:01:00.002-05:00

So I have to admit that my first year of teaching has flown by rather quickly. It seems like only yesterday that I was freaking out about lesson plans for my Sophomore Pearl unit. Today I am sitting in a computer lab as my students type away to complete the poetry project I gave them.

My time is not going to be over as soon as I would like it to, though. I was considering the idea of getting a job over the summer and had some rather neat ideas. I thought it would be relaxing to work at a bookstore or go back to Sylvan, but after running the numbers it wouldn't be worth my time. I figured that if I worked earning $10 an hour for 40 hours/week for six weeks, I would just barely make more than if I worked 3 weeks of Summer School. Needless to say, I signed up for the position and am hoping that I get to teach two sections of Summer School and rake in an additional four grand, nearly.

I talked to my wife and thought that it would also look good that I want to be more involved within our school, as well as pull in extra money to the paychecks that I will still receive during the summer.

I was happy to find my renewal contract in my mail box the other week and quickly signed it. I feel blessed that I have a job, home and a wife that genuinely cares for my well being.

Oh...I also joined the Curriculum Work team to amend our current pacing charts (These basically map out what to do and when.). Again, I was thinking "It's gonna be nice to have a week off before Summer School starts!" Then, a colleague asked me to put my two-cents in during the work and said, "Hey, you can work from home...". That and the fact that they pay $100 a day: so there's four hundred more.

End of story, make it while you can.

P.S. Amber is going to Utah for 10 days when I'm done with school, that sucks, both financially and emotionally, but I hope she has fun, I mean it's Utah, how much fun can you have?

Diary of a Homeowner: Volume One

2008-03-26T19:13:00.002-05:00

These are some things that I have noticed myself thinking about since I have moved into my new home and in hindsight make me seem rather "Bob Vila":

1. "I need to buy a closet organizer for my laundry room."

2. "It would be nice if I could install a dual-switch for my ceiling fan/light."

3. "Note to self: wake-up early on Wednesday to take garbage out before leaving for work."

4. "I should run to Wal-Mart to see if they have a white shoe organizer for the laundry room."

5. "Ha...I can build that cheaper!" (I think this one a lot!)

6. To my wife: "Let's make a spreadsheet of all our bills and divvy them up; we will have the due dates, the amounts and who pays them...sound good?" Amber's reply: "Yea Geoff, whatever."

7. "That duvet cover is too loud for this room."

8. "Can I just finish my garage already!"

9. "Note to self: prep coffee-maker night before and set the 'delay brew' before nighty-night."

I know, I'm crazy. These are just nine of the hundreds that ramble their way about my mind daily. I guess once you own something of your own you just simply take more interest in it.

Peace, Love and God.

More Ink, please!

2008-03-11T21:29:00.001-05:00

So I have decided that after seven years it is about time to get an additional tattoo. I have been debating what to get next for some time and have finally settled.

I thought about getting compliments to the two that I already have, but I could not decide which to finish. I currently have a Chinese symbol of rage on my left shoulder and am planning to get a tranquility symbol on my right shoulder at some point. These are not you run-of-the-mill black markings, though; instead I have a pseudo flame coloring in the rage symbol and plan to carry a similiar theme with the one on my shoulder,but with clouds. I also have a Chinese-tribal-dragon that runs from my right shoulder blade down to the middle of my back. With this I plan to have a white tiger on my left shoulder blade on down. Any one that is rather insightful has just realized that those two sets of tattos have a similiar theme: the concept of Yin and Yang. Clearly rage and tranquility are opposities, but for those that do not know the white tiger and dark dragon are the physical emodiments of the Yin-Yang symbol in Chinese philosophy. In order to personalize this tattoo, I desire to get my name in Chinese written within the tiger's stripes.

However, I must disappoint you, because I did not choose either of these options. Instead, I am getting Proverbs 3:26 in Hebrew on my inner right bicep and hope to have some creative filigree incorporated.

I will be enduring my painful memory on the 26th of April at the most reputable shop in Chicago, Deluxe Tattoo, where artisits such as Ben Wahhh, Tim Biedron, Hannah Aitchison, Jason Longtin (Who is doing mine) and Jason Vaughn and others are located.

Wish me luck!

P.S.Proverbs 3:26 says"For the LORD will be thy confidence, and will keep thy foot from being caught."

Peace, Love and God.

This has had my attention...

2008-02-12T19:00:00.002-06:00

MY HOUSE!!

These are the pictures that Amber took during our final walk-through of our new home. I am took excited for words. Please view the show.

Two Months and Thirteen Days Later...

2007-10-16T20:26:00.000-05:00

...I decided to post again. So my life has been a bit crazy. My wife and I are building a house and I am exhausted...just kidding, I'm really not doing the work, although nor is any one else. We still have not broken ground yet, but all-in-all I think the timing will be just fine.

I have nearly, successfully finished my first quarter as a teacher (Woo-Who for me!) and have realized a myriad of things:

Kids today are not like how I was, when I was a student. Let me explain, I would freak-out if I didn't get number five finished on a worksheet with 25 problems/questions; conversely, my students could give a shite if they never completed any work at all.
I've attempted fervently to be "They guy everyone knows" and have thus far been rather successful. After countless meetings within the academy team I am part of, staff meetings, department meetings and random others, I have realized that my professors in college where correct: "Stay the hell out of the teachers lounge!". Honestly, people complain a lot and not just to vent. I know I bitch every know and again, but I try to not make that my entire routine.
After being asked dumb questions, dumb responses come to mind. I was asked "How are you addressing the students that are failing your class?" To which I replied, "I tell them that they need to turn in their work. Also, I give them the opportunity to submit late work for half-credit, up to t week late." Sarcastically, my mind said "I could care less, I have 75 other kids that want to learn. Stopping my lesson every day to address the inconsequential issues that some lazy kid is enduring is not a focus, UNLESS I am cognizant of said issues."
Some people dress WAY TOO NICE! We have no A.C. and wearing wool pants, long sleeve dress shirts and an air-constricting tie is not my idea of comfortable instruction. Do I look nice? Of course, but this concept is very askew in my high school. I put on a pretty interesting song and dance show to hold my student's attention and I therefore sweat.
Politics, school politics, are mind boggling.
I miss my wife more often than not. I see her on Friday night, a portion of Saturday and all Sunday if I'm lucky. Other than that, I sleep beside her.
I noticed that I am one of the first handful of teachers in the building and part of the last group to leave...why the hell is that!?
Teenagers are complete and total a**h@le$ because...well for no good reason. They don't listen and think it's funny when you discipline. Also, cursing is accepted in their social realm as a way of expressing thoughts on a regular basis, but while in class not a damn word comes to mind.......................This could be rather lengthy...
Getting paid to do what you love is AWESOME!!

I feel as though I should be keeping a detailed journal of events; however I think that my mind is consistently elsewhere. I am having a blast and can only imagine what this will feel like when I am actually familiar with the curriculum that I teach. I am reading stories and books literally days before they do, in order to appear knowledgeable.

Well, I guess this is good for now!!!

Five Months of Info

2007-08-03T10:22:00.000-05:00

Did you ever get that feeling that you haven't talked to someone for a long while? You think, "Hey, what ever happened to Johnny?" And you begin to create an elaborate story behind this question: Johnny drifted off into the hussel and bussel of daily life, felt like life was never going to change for him so he decided to become a journeyman. Johnny fell into some heap of troubles, but in the end he was victorious. He found a lady, knocked her up and is cold stupid what his new plan is....

Well, I'm not Johnny. I'm Geoffrey and I am back (((I'm not sure for how long, so don't be upset if there isn't much here on the regular.))) to say that the past five months have been filled with sorrow, frustration and a bright happiness in the end.

I was putting off posting for a while for a few reasons: first, I was fervently trying to get a job in the teaching field, but could not find a break. I had a rather promising interview with a school that went so far to tell me what classes I would be teaching, toured the school with me and so forth. I mean, I had all the people laughing and had a personal connection with everyone there (((Except one))) in one form or another. The principal and I grew in the same neighborhood and went to the same school district: advantage Geoff. The Co-Chair of the English Department was going for a Masters Degree with my cooperating teacher from student-teaching and two other individuals I went to college with (((One of which is a good friend of mine.))) I was that I would get a call back after such and such time, which came and went without a contact. I was e-mailed, EFFING E-MAILED!!!! that I did not get the position. What a heart break. I had more interviews; both internally at the bank and externally at schools, that gave me Jacque-Shite! I even had an interview at the school that I student-taught at, but was told that a program they had, called SALT, had been disbanded so they needed to place that English teacher some where. (((When telling this story in real-life I always say "They had to dissolve their SALT program." I pause to see if anyone got the joke and then either laugh a little or just move forward.))) This crap went on for a painstaking six or seven weeks and I was about to have an effing heart-attack.

With the news that I was not getting a damn job as a teacher, unable to transfer up through the bank, I was defeated. I had gone on some six or so interviews and not a single one panned out in a four months time. I wanted to shrivel up and die!

Other reason I was not posting, I thought for sure I was going to get one of the countless jobs I was running for and decided that when I get a job, I would post. It was only about a month or two from the last post I had and decided it was a great plan: SURPRISE ATTACK NEWS!

Well, I didn't get the jobs...Any of the jobs...Not a single, solitary offer...

I was down and the wife could tell. I was trying to keep myself busy by reading like nine books (((Which were all rather good))) and working on manly, dirty projects. Her brother and I had been working on a plane for about five hours or so when the phone gives a ring.(((By-the-by, it is not a real plane, just one of those six foot-radio controlled-gas engine ones.))) I quickly give the ol' hands a wipe on the nearest towel and find that she has a surprise for me...ok?!?! Her mom shows up, so I know it ain't a stripper or that cute friend of hers, so my mind begins to wander. I think, "She couldn't of gotten me a cat, we are allowed another cat." Amber, my wife, comes home and tells me to clean up and get my present out of her car and while I am she says "I know you wanted an orange one, but all they had was brown and grey." A HAH!!!! It has to be a cat!

It was a cat. His name is Hobbes and is stripey like a tiger. He was three weeks old when we got him and now he is about nine weeks. He was my solidarity through all the crap I had going on and damn, kittens are like babies. We had to get up every four hours to feed this guy a bottle, burp him, get him to pee (((They don't pee unless you prompt them to))) and be very careful that our other cat Roxie does not attack and kill him! Honestly, his entire body fit in my hand when we got him. Now only his head fits in my hand. I know for sure he's gonna be a big boy.

With all that excitement, I still had no new job and began to get worried that I wasn't going to get one. I applied to about 70 or so schools and went on a total of THREE interviews. Now, I'm no math genius, but those odds suck. I began to get the feeling that I was going to have to wait until next semester or even worse, next school year.

Here in Illinois we have a State Board of Education website though which you can navigate to find all open positions for your field of study. Not all positions are there, so you still have to go directly to the districts' website, too. I applied again to some schools and set 8 aside that I had to send credentials to, when I thought that I should look at the area where I student-taught; hoping that maybe the SALT program was over saturated and could get a job in that. I went to the district website and saw an English position for the high school and thought it had to be from when I applied a couple months back. Oh, no; it was from the previous day! I grabbed the phone and called my co-op. She said they did some restructuring and needed another teacher. APPLY! APPLY! she said. ((((She really likes me, I'm sure why. I think she is worlds better than I am, but she likes my ideas I guess.))) I left a message with the principal and soon enough I had another interview.

The interview went great, although I thought all my interviews went great, so I had no clue. I ran into a few fellow colleagues that really hoped I would get the job. The Asst. Principal said she hoped I would get it, a fellow English teacher and math chair-person both said they wanted me to come back this year, so I felt pretty good when I left. Aside from that, the interview was on a Monday and I was told to give the Principal a call on Wednesday morning for a final decision. I was a freaking nervous wreck!

I GOT THE JOB! I GOT THE JOB! GO ME, GO ME!

With all the excitement of the new job I was weighing out options on what to do for our future. I thought maybe save like a bandit for a year and then be able to buy a house or townhouse. Amber agreed that it was a neat idea. We began just looking ant house and stumbled across this new subdivision (((I mean NEW. This is phase ONE of THREE phases.))) that was minutes from the high school. My wife had recently decided to become a manager at the coffee shop she has worked at for like seven years and the commute would not be that bad, actually shorter than she has now. So her pay scale would sky-rocket up and mine too, but could we afford this new home? Well, the long of the short is this: within 12 days we signed a contract! Yes, we are having a new house built for us. I thought for sure we would own a townhouse for our first place, but never a home! We ran numbers, did like six Excel spreadsheets and found out that we could pay off all our credit cards, save money and have a payment that wasn't astronomical. For those curious cats out there here is a link to our home: CLICK ME. We naturally have some upgrades and what not, but the cost is still about 200k less than the homes that are in our area now. I hope to post pics of the construction, so stay tuned.

Other than that...I think I have successfully covered the big parts of my last five months of existence.

I'm Alive...

2007-03-11T17:45:00.000-05:00

Okay, so to those of you that have been my loyal readers I am sorry. I have been so busy with the job hunt, working and life, that I have not been able to post in some time. I do, however, have a bit of good news, which is that I have gained another job! I now, like my brother, am working at Sylvan Learning Center. It's great, I am pleased to be using my degree in some way and I love teaching some much that any form of it does my soul justice. I mentioned to one of my bosses at the bank that I will be releasing some stress by having this second job, to which she let out a sigh that I interpreted as "Yea, like you have stress!".

Oh, here's a good story...I mentioned to the previously stated boss that I was looking for another job and she said that would be fine because I "get out of here one day early, so that would work."; and I thought to myself that if she thought that I was going to work only one day per week at another place, then she better share the crack she's smokin' because that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I knew that I would be needing more flexibility on her part, but she has been on edge lately, so I thought that I would tackle that issue when it arises.

Jumping one and one half weeks later, I discovered that I most certainly would be needing to leave work a bit early on two days, not just the one that I was currently receiving. I thought that I should write an e-mail to my Supervisor (The one noted above.), my Branch Manager (Whom works at a different location.) and my Operations Manager that stated very clearly what my intentions were and why. The long of the short of it is I was denied! ((((De-nied! Like from Wayne's World)))) Not only that, but I got into a bit of a tiff with the manager that works at another location. She said that once she does me a special schedule, then everyone wants one; to which I replied: "But no one else is working a second job...I thought you were for [us] advancing ourselves...and bettering ourselves?". Here she said that it is not her job to be concerned with what her employees do outside during their free time (((I guess here I am being given the Thumbs-Up to experiment with intravenous drugs and binge drinking!))) and that when I was hired I was hired to be here at any time.

(((This needs some explaining: I work until close four days out of the five that I work at the bank and get out one day early, so this aforementioned e-mail asked for Thursday to also be an "early" day with me working from 7-3:30. I also changed my tune when I was berated for 45 minutes over the phone with her and asked to just have a schedule that gave me no specific days off and early, but just any two days early, where I smacked my face on that brick wall again.)))

Back to the time...I said that there were three of us that can open/close the branch, so why am I always the one chosen to do so? Here I was told that this is what I have been hired for (((Yea, three months ago, only!))) I simply thought that since I have been working at this bank for well over four years, asking them would be easier to help me than a place I am just beginning to work. I stated, very neatly, that apparently loyalty does not go very far here or help you out. Further more, the more I tried to better myself, the thicker and heavier a wall was placed in front of me via the bank. Again, I was told that what I do outside of work was not her concern and it was not [my bank] that is putting walls up.

This berating continued for another half hour or so. I finally realized that I did not deserve this and wanted to quit, but I can't because my wife and I need the money badly. Also, I came to the conclusion that whatever I said was going to be twisted and regurgitated to belittle me and feel like a jerk for asking. The convo was wrapped up with her saying she had an issue to attend to and that she would call me later in the day. I thought "What, this isn't and issue for you?" The conversation took place in the mid morning and she never called me back.

Since then, which was a week and a half ago...maybe two weeks...anyway, I have seen this manager boss, who's office, remember, is not at my branch and spoke on the phone with her about 10-12 times and she has not once said a damned thing about it.

The day of our spat, I went to this coffee shop down the street from our bank and called my other boss that decided it is no problem to work around their schedule and put me on whenever she could...Teacher's Rock!

A Long Way Down...Pigeon Style

2007-02-06T18:43:00.000-06:00

Hello...yes I am a slacker and never post, but what do you care? However, here is some funny and weird stuff: I have started a new book in the last week or so and have been obsessed with reading it whenever I can get the chance. Since I practically live at my job, I usually leave it locked up in my vault, but when those days come ((Like the weekend.)) when I am not there, I throw it in a satchel and carry it with me.

I bought this book in like November or something, but I have been busy and read some other books ((by my "boy" Chuck and Of Mice and Men))

Any-who, I have heard that British author Nick Hornby has written some amazing novels and they are quite exceptional, so I decided to pick up his latest titled A Long Way Down. The book basically deals with suicide in a satirical fashion and how four people meet at the same place to commit the act and by happenstance they decide to become a pseudo clan and delay the action for six weeks...that is about where I am at currently.

On this past Thursday I was at work again dreaming about my birthday the next day and what I wanted to do with my wife, when I decided to make the most of my nine hour sentencing by reading. I was ABSORBED!!! I was walking with the characters, laughing in their faces, drinking the alcohol that was offered to me and shrinking with the awkward feeling of angry company. All of a sudden BAM! BAM! BAM B-B-B-BAM!!!!!!!!!! I was freaked out! What the hell was that?! I looked at the door thinking that some crack-head (((Which I see a lot of, honestly))) was trying to open the door, but to no avail I saw no human. I looked up at our fifteen foot dingy glass windows and saw the infamous "rat-with-wings" slamming into the building. Many thoughts ran into my head at this point, like "Our windows are effing dirty, these pigeons are morons. OH MY GOD, is that one dead? Why the hell are they doing that?" and others as well.

I looked over at my boss and we both started cracking-up about the murky windows. But wait...more pigeons flew at our bank. I saw them fly from the four story building across the street and SLAM directly into our windows..over and over and over again. I mean these guys were coming in droves and had a mission or death-wish, I'm not sure which. And the ones that didn't fall abruptly to the ground and lay stunned remained in-flight and continued to knock their empty, yet resilient skulls against the murky, stained windows.

I was not completely heartless though, I did run over the first time it happened to see if they were alright, but after the third platoon came knocking I thought this is why they have a bad wrap.

What the eff?!

Here I am!!!!

2007-01-19T22:22:00.000-06:00

This is us from our wedding in September. This is the picture we sent to our family in our christmas cards!

This is Amber and me at Jake's wedding when we were engaged.

BAM! Take that Jake!

Wait...that was funny!

2007-01-19T16:42:00.000-06:00

Okay, so Jake says I don't post enough (((Just like a Big Brother, telling me what to do!))) so I thought I would share this with you. I have recently been sick, which really sucks because I cannot kill whatever is ailing me, I have drank like four bottles of "Tussin" already, and because of this I have made best friends with the tube. Amber and I are obsessed with a show on TLC that showcases medical conundrums. On this show people come into the hospital with weird cases, disgusting lacerations, unknown complications and extremely annoying attitudes.

One day we were watching a marathon of this show and saw the same commercial like 50 times in the span of five or so hours. I was witness to the commercial the previous day, but Amber was not. I waited and waited and looked at her as soon as the commercial was over to see her reaction to which she replied "Did they just say what I think they did?" and we both began laughing.

The commercial in question is for a home pregnancy test. In the commercial the announcer speaks the following line..."It's the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on!" Okay, besides the improper use of ending a sentence with a preposition, that was effing hilarious! But wait, it gets better; while this is being said the image on the screen shows a HUGE tester and a stream (((urine))) of liquid triumphantly hitting the test area.

WOW!

First, you and by that I mean nobody, has any idea what the heck I do in my spare time. I have peed ((((Is this the past tense of pee, three "e's" look excessive?)))) on lots of things and have left no stone unturned when it comes to the technology I choose to pee on, in my spare time.

But then, last night the commercial was on again and I wanted to sob, the announcer must have been reported or offended some sensitive person, because the line was switched to, while the flow of urine came splashing down on the test area: "It's the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever...you know!" WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why would you change such a beautiful and inappropriate line in a commercial seen by little boys and girls all across the country? I have no idea; I thought for sure this was the funniest of the short year we have had thus far.

Sad, funny and true stories from Geoff's head!

PS

Demetri Martin had another special on Comedy Central Sunday, I hope you all saw it. I saw him about three or two years ago and have been hooked to his comedy since.

Questions?!

2007-01-02T19:08:00.000-06:00

I recently decided that my wife and I needed a new thing. This new thing would have to be fun, different and lend itself to learning. I really never put any thought into it beyond that, I just knew that our relationship needed to be revolutionized. I tend to not put so much thought into things that I want/need to change, rather the answer simply comes about - manifested buy the grace and favor of the Lord.

I just finished a book by Palahniuk that my wife bought me when we got engaged over two years ago. ((((I know what you're thinking, "You're a really slow reader!" Well, LAY OFF! I actually was finishing...well here I'll do this.)))) I have been finishing my BA and that requires much reading. I love reading, but when going to school any where between 46-48 weeks a year does not lend a great deal of time for good 'ol Geoff. I have been reading some classics, contemporary pieces and so forth. I started reading this book on the plane, lay-over in Miami and then back home seven days later, but school happened again.

I have tendencies to start books because I think "Ooo...I love that author" or "That was a great story", but I have no intention or reading the whole thing. I had, at one time, three books by Palahniuk open all at once and interchanging them as I saw fit (And any one who knows his works understands how this was a dumb move, his fiction is so weird and engrossing). I wanted to finish this book that is not fiction; actually the title tells you: Stranger Than Fiction. It explores several aspects of the human being: People Together, Portraits (((Where we meet the reason of my blogging today))), and Personal. Palahniuk talks about obscure castles in the mountains, actresses showing how not crazy they are and how even Marilyn Manson has the thought, nature and decency that we all share.

The first story under the Portraits section is with Juliette Lewis. She has this great idea to ask her soon-to-be husband questions, weird of-the-wall questions that show personal insight, character and true, unabashed emotion. I decided to borrow this concept (((I promise to give it back when I am gone, if I remember.))) and use it with my new bride.

Amber and I have been together for just over six years (((Actually the day we got married was year six for us, we decided to keep the same date and this year is was Labor Day weekend, so it all worked out!))) and I think it is rather unfair that I have to start at Zero now just because we got married. I think I will say "It is year seven for us, but only year one of our marriage." After this long of a time you start to become "that couple", ya know the couple that finishes the others thought, but the thought wasn't even a whole one, just the start and you (The bystander) is left thinking "What the heck are they talking about?". We are one of those couples that can have a mouth full of toothpaste and still be able to communicate to one another via grunts, gestures and moans. Pathetic, maybe to the unforeseen, but it is really a gift at the end of the day when the last thing you want to do is communicate through speaking and you revert to primal grunts and groans.

I adopted Lewis' doctrine. I have used it effectively now for about two weeks only forgetting to ask a question two or three times and have really discovered more about Amber. We do have rules though: The quester is not allowed to reply to the questee. The question is to be asked, clarified when needed and that is it. The quester then sits back and listens. Sounds easy, but I am a talker and listening for me involved a compound of processing and trying with all my might to remember all that I needed to say. With this new game I have to just listen and really understand why she answered the question: dorky but really satisfying. Another rule, the questee should also participate in this game, but cannot under and circumstances submit a similiar or identical question to the original quester. This helps in avoiding difficult topics that if they are flipped around could result in an argument.

I have to say I love this. I have scratched the questions down on some loose paper in my nightstand and fully intend on creating a journal that encompasses the questions and pseudo answers that eventually our kids will get when we decide they need to know who we are and how we lived.

Any takers?

Post Script: Maybe that would be a good blog...Questions for people...hmmm....I gotta go...

Jack?...Jack? Where the heck is Mr. Pumpkin?

2006-12-15T21:04:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I recently went back to work [Monday] (Read: Reluctantly went back) and have found that a new work environment is just that: new. I have worked at a bank for just over four years now and have become pretty comfortable with being the robot I am. I walk into work, take some deposits, make some withdrawals and possibly refer some products so I can earn an incentive. I have the wonderful position of being what is colloquially called a "Lead Teller" or what I call "Work Horse".

Any-who, I started at a new location this past week and found that the branch I came from was simply heaven. Yes, we all complained and moaned, but you have NO idea how good you have it until it is stripped from your grip and you are left stark naked in the middle of a concert hall. This new place is very unorganized and I am anal - anal retentive that is, not the gross sexual act.

So I go to work on Monday and notice that there are white signs on the East, I think East, side of the parking lot that read Customer Parking Friday Only! So I decided to not park there, but park on the North side of the lot where no cars were resting. Monday comes and goes and I return to work on Tuesday with the same sign in view and park in the same remote area. I am working in a location that does not give me the pleasure of seeing my co-workers and conversing on such topics such as "Car Removal".

I receive a ring on my phone at about 4:58 to go ahead and close my teller station, so I do and walk to the upstairs main room after vaulting my cash. I have a weird feeling that I should look out the window to see how Jack is doing. {Jack is my car. I have an Orange 2006 Chevrolet HHR. It was as close to a Hot Rod as I can get without putting us in the poor-house. I named him Jack for two reasons: One, I thought the last name "Pumpkin" would work well, like from The Nightmare Before Christmas. And Two when I fill up Jack with gasoline and he feels a bit tipsy, it would be a great reason to tell the officer pulling me over that he is Irish and when he is full if gas his last name switches to "O'Lantern"} I peer out our security door window and do not see Jack. I strain my eyes several more times to make sure I am not crazy and yes, he is not there! I turn to the ladies and say in a rather oddly-calm voice "Umm...my car isn't out there. I'm serious." To which a girl replies "Oh my God, Robin (My new Supervisor, by the way) towed your car, she thought it was some one trying to not have to pay for parking (Because I work in a rather large city called Joliet)." I was pissed and said (Barring the swears) "Why did she do that...she didn't even ask me...I'm not paying to get it out...My wallet is in the car anyway...I cannot believe her!!!!!!!!!!"

I was able to get my car out after calling the place and saying that my supervisor made a mistake (Thank God they knew her: she calls on about, no joke, two cars A DAY to be towed away. The girls told me that she almost towed all of their cars too.) and got a ride from a co-worker that I knew for about a day and a half. My wife was furious and I wanted to give Robin a piece of my mind and anyone that knows me can relate to me saying, I am cool, collected and jovial most of the time, but cross me and I am the Tasmanian-devil incarnate. I talked to some people and thought about talking to Robin the next day only if she brought it up.

I walk into work and she says "Hi, Geoff" and walks away! She effing walked away! UGH!

She then turns and said "I'm sorry, but you shouldn't have parked there sweetie." Sweetie? I am NOT your sweetie, you towed by brand-new car! Okay, my opportunity was now. I said, "Well, it would not be an issue if you would have told me where to park (Needless to say, I had no idea your crazy-butt was going to tow my car, I thought.) on my first day." She rudely talked over me and said "Look, it says right there Employee Parking Only, right there!"

Wait, I thought, didn't those signs say Customer Parking Friday Only! on Monday, I guess I am just crazy.

I said "Robin, I have worked/assisted in other locations and have hired new employees and know that YOU have a checklist that has to be completed (Which adds to my frustration levels because it leaves me having to ask thousands of questions and/or finding stuff myself.) and you never told me, so I parked in an open space." You can guess that I lost according to her confounded reasoning skills and moved on with the full understanding that I was correct for countless reasons.

Jump to two days later, Friday, and what do I see when I pull up to the branch...that sign Customer Parking Friday Only! I am NOT crazy, it really exists.

I was able to tie this into a conversation with her, Robin-the-supervisor, today and said that they were not changed on Monday and on Tuesday when she had my car towed. She disagreed and I said, "No, that is the only reason that I didn't park there."

Yadda-yadda-yadda, she is very stubborn and crazy about weird things like this. I had several people tell me that I was brave to stand-up for myself to her and that they have no doubt that I am not crazy and those signs were not changed until Wednesday...Which funny enough is Robin's responsibility!

Peeves: Not really pets though.

2006-12-08T21:14:00.000-06:00

Okay so I live outside of Chicago and one can surmise that the traffic is horrendous. Actually The City has finally wised-up and recently decided to have a complete overhaul of the main interstate that leads to Chicago, but it is a rather pain. I digress, my real reason for writing this is because I should be counting my lucky stars that I am alive.

My wife and I decided to do some shopping/errand running when she returned from work this afternoon and we had to enter the metropolis that calls itself a suburb. I think I would rather drive into the city, honestly. We ran into a store and quickly excited, but the travels between each stop became more and more life-threatening as we continued on our journey. I had one driver decide, on a main highway, to slowly move laterally across traffic to turn left. At this point my wife literally covered her eyes and said to let her know when the game was over. Back to the story, this lady then sat in the middle of the road and waited to find a break in traffic to continue her left turn. Mind you, I and the individual facing me are attempting to make lefts as well. As one can see this lady held up traffic as she maneuvered this death-defying act. I could have given her the "Dirty Bird", but what does that solve, in the end I feel bad for it?

Next, I finally make my turn (Which was wrong.) get back on track and find that people think that my one-year-old car is the perfect automobile to cut-off and have its brakes tested. I found that the rules of the road apparently do not apply if you are a cop, old, on the phone, (Sorry Ladies) a female with no job job driving your hubby's Lexus, young, or just plain stupid.

I had drivers switching lanes in intersections, turning from on-coming traffic across my lane while I am travelling 50 miles-per-hour, AGGGHHHHHHH!

Here is my rave: signaling. Now just because you signal does not mean I have to let you in my lane, if there happens to be space I will let you slide over, but if I have to slam on my brakes, forget about it, you will have to just wait until there is an opening. Furthermore, if you signal, do so BEFORE you switch lanes. DO NOT use the signal as a "HEY! I'm coming in!" Use it as a, "Pardon me, could I please come over?" I am not saying that I have not been the perfect driver, but I pay attention. If no one is around, I use a short signal. If there are lots of people, I signal before I attempt a move. I HATE it when people signal and start moving simultaneously and I have to slam on my brakes so I do not kill my beautiful car. Also when a signal comes in halfway through a change or a single *BLINK* is used, I wish I had a beater car so I could continue my trip and bump into the ignorant driver.

I said to my wife tonight actually, that I wished I had a beater car just for the holidays so I could travel at my safe and mindful pace while others screwed up and broke the law. I think to myself, a cop will pull me over for speeding, but when they do not feel like waiting for a light to change they will flick on their red and blues in order to go through the red. Better even, is when you can clearly see them shut the lights off and you catch up with them at the next stop. I'm thinking, "Hey you're on patrol! What else do you have to do besides wait and watch? Just as you leave this stop, here comes a drunk driver blowing every red light from here to California."

Finally, the color **YELLOW** on a light means "Clear the intersection", not "I have to speed up to make the intersection and clear it". We have an overabundance of these double-lane left turns in my area and every driver speeds down the lane and flies through the **RED**, not **YELLOW**, causing everyone to slam on the brakes and yield to their stupidity. I read about people getting slammed into because of this ignorance in the paper, but I guess people think they are invisible until they get hit. Take it from me, it is not worth it; I got in an accident at seventeen and that accident transformed into a lawsuit that lasted until I was past nineteen.

I wish a crash on no one; I just hope that people will come to their senses and realize the danger they are putting themselves and society in, but I know that this will more than likely not occur.

All said and done, I was able to get some dinner with great friends and have a great conversation about life, the future and relationships. I guess all the frustrations I went through were worth it in the end: good food, good friends, good life!

Peace, Love, Glory and Honor to God.

You have to dig a hole to China, where do you start?

2006-11-30T10:53:00.000-06:00

I saw this question on Blogger, but apparently my response was too witty, so I could not post it.

I would first have to save up a large sum of money. Hole digging is not a cheap adventure where I come from. I would work as a travelling salesman selling buttons and light bulbs at a reasonable rate. After my earnings yieled a net gain that will support the following, I would book a flight to Nepal that would land me as close to the Nepali/Chinese border as possible. I would then spend my days pantomiming my way through the land making friends where I could, seeking shelter in any abandoned pagoda I could stole away in for a night. I would then become a drifter of the rocky and snowy roads that Nepal has to offer and begin my trek towards the Northern Nepali border. I have come to know that the Chinese are very self-conscious about intruders so I will beat their alarm system by not starting any fires so I do not set off the "Chinese Alarms" they have set for me. I would then pay homage to the individuals that assisted me and I would search for the nearest shovel and lantern store. Clearly, I would purchase such incidentals and start my dig. It will be a short slicing of my spade, but I am the keen individual that decided to do it in this fashion so...whatever...I then would, over a period of time, maybe a day or hopefully less, would burrow a tunnel into China, thus concluding my assignment.

Now the real question is, how do I get back?

WARNING: Steaming Ahead!

2006-11-28T17:26:00.000-06:00

Malcolm X once said "The future belongs to those who prepare for it today" and I ask what does one have to do in order to come out ahead? I have recently finished all my clinical studies in order to become an English teacher, but I feel like all the hoops are just being structured now for me to jump through. AGH! I have completed what some deem impossible and with grandeur. I need solice, peace, love and above all A JOB! I just got married three months ago and my wife has been paying for all the household "necessities", I feel like a freaking failure and now I have to put on a happy face and pretend that it is all okay.

I know I rock at what I do. I just want some adoration for making it through this far and still having that same love for my field of study as I did when I began five years ago. God knows I have been through situations that others only have nighmares about and I need that satisfaction of having the omniscient narrator for my life saying "Hey Geoff...you did it!" And then his goofy butt will cue up the Dora the Explorer "We did it" music and I will smile...when this hopeful day comes my way you all will be on the list to know.

Post Script: Does life seem abrupt to you? I mean as soon as you finish a job whether it be college in my case or a multi-million dollar lawsuit for a lawyer or saving a person's life in the medical field, there is always a superior standing beside you to say "Hey, why did my son fail your class?" or "Mr. Yokumira needs to speak with you about the Bernard file." or "I'm sorry, but your last patientdid not make it, you will have notify her family."Why is that?

Post Post Script: Is that good Jake? You got your post.

An Old Phone

2006-11-17T18:29:00.000-06:00

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